The Romantic Adventures of Super Dork, King of Doof
by Spinestalker
Summary: Riku was a bajillion times more cool then Sora ever was. Soriku, Dorktabulous!Sora, Series of one-shots set in High School
1. The one and only time Sora uses his head

**Enter Adonis (The one and only time Sora really uses his head)**  
>By Spinestalker<p>

Adonis descended upon the hormone crazed students of Twilight High in the guise of a human named Riku Yamamoto. With his half-foreign, half-domestic, all-perfect genes, he caused quite a stir among the female populace. Fainting, fan-girling and rumors of public masturbation followed his wake (there was even one about a girl who had committed suicide when he declined her advances, though she actually just got food poisoning and missed a few days of school.)

A god among men, he had walked the streets of otaku heaven, had random Japanese filtering into his English vocabulary, and his hair was REALLY that color. Sora never before believed these types of people existed outside of the realm of badly written stories scribbled in lieu of notes during history.

Sora's friends, the anime/manga/Japanese culture fan-nerds that they were, had instantly taken to idolatry. Selphie, the most vocal of them all, spent most of English class asking Riku about various Japanese words and Tidus, who tried desperately to act nonchalant about getting Riku's attention, managed to wrangle him into a conversation about anime.

Blasphemously, Riku's didn't actually like much anime or manga. Sora had listened in horror as Tidus recounted their conversation of the limited, however very good, selection Riku had actually enjoyed.

"How can you live in Japan your whole life and _not_ watch anime?" Was repeated 4 times before the end of lunch, each one of them shaking their heads in shame.

Overlooking this small infraction in his "Coolest Thing to Walk Destiny Island Ever" status, Riku was still, very much, the coolest thing to walk Destiny Island since, well, long before humans showed up. Maybe a dinosaur or giant centipede.

Despite all the attention, fan-girling, fan-boying or just plain ogling, he was gracious. He answered any questions directed at him patiently, his finely manicured accent making any lucky listener swoon.

But Sora was not as brave as his friends. No, Sora was a wimp and thought his friends were crazy and probably just annoying someone who was way too nice to tell them to GTFO. He liked to sit to the side and let them do all the tomfoolery while he'd listen to what happened later... safe from his own personal embarrassment.

Well, that was until a one fateful Monday during the last bit of last period when Selphie had cornered Riku, asking him various meanings to kanji letters. She was getting a tattoo on her 18th birthday and she wanted to make absolutely sure she wasn't getting something like "Dumbass" or "Fartblossom," never mind that her birthday wasn't for 5 more months. He wasn't sure what was being said at the time, he had just started to actually look at his homework like it ought to be on his to-do list, when he heard Selphie's voice say "You mean Sora?" loudly enough to cause a disturbance in the room full of chatting teens

Sora looked up in surprise, and for a terrifying second his eyes locked with Riku's.

22 other students stopped mid conversation to turn to him as if expecting him to pull out a Michigan J. Frog impression. He blanched and looked down to his notes, dumbly deciding that not being Sora was for the best.

"Hey, Sora, come'ear!" Selphie's loud voice boomed as she beckoning him with wide waves of her hand, forcing the girl in front to duck a stray appendage. In panic, Sora looked across the room to where his twin brother sat, his eyes wide and pleading. Roxas looked as unsympathetic as ever and shurged.

_You're the one that hangs out with the losers_, he seemed to say before looking back to whatever homework he was doing, the nerd.

Bravely, Sora looked to Selphie and Riku who were still waiting on him. With a long sigh he moved, pen he'd stolen from someone in math class gripped tightly in his hand. If worse came to worse. he could chuck it at them as a distraction before running away.

"Your mom's nikkeijin right?"

Sora blinked at her, the word catching him off guard. Selphie's Japanese vocabulary was far more advanced than Sora's. After several seconds of awkward _I-have-no-idea-what-you-mean_ looks, Selphie elaborated.

"From Japan."

Sure, his mother was genetically Japanese but had been adopted and raised in America with an American family. She was as Japanese as an American Chinese buffet.

"Yes," he finally said in the most reserved tone he could muster.

"He'd heard your name earlier, but wasn't sure who you were." Selphie beamed her smile at him like lasers and Sora felt his soul slipping away. He was sure that whatever her was going through her head would end in his own mortification (her plans usually did) but he was completely prepared to insist he didn't really know her very well, but played along because of her "condition."

"Oh well... hi.." Sora smiled at Riku, exaggerating a wave. Riku gave a polite response and Sora just kinda kept smiling, cause he had no idea what he was supposed to do. For a long moment silence reigned, Selphie's joy loomed while Riku studied him.

Sora plotted Selphie's demise.

OoO

It was after school on Tuesday, as he was fumbling with his book bag, that he decided tar and feathers would be too hard to come by. He wanted her to suffer for making him look stupid, because Riku hadn't so much as glanced at him all day (not that he ever actually glanced at him... or that Sora would even know seeing as he'd went out of his way to never even casually look in Riku's direction just in case), but with an addiction as expensive as anime and manga, there was just no way he could afford revenge on his (non) allowance.

Then the heavens parted and Adonis descended from on high and spoke to the lowly mortal.

"Hey, Sora..."

Sora nearly dropped his bag in surprise, knocking a stack of precariously placed books and paper out of his cramped locker. He caught most of it awkwardly with his upper body but a few pieces managed their escape to the floor. With a hard blush he hastily tried to straighten it enough to stuff it in and close the door.

Riku bent down to reach for the stray homework. Horror overtook Sora as he noticed they were decorated the disappointed red ink of his chemistry teacher. Desperate to hide his failings from Riku, he quickly bent down to grab the paper, only he misjudged his distance between their heads. With a loud crack their skulls met and a splitting pain burst from the center of Sora's forehead. Riku yelped, falling back, holding his own in pain.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry." Sora moved to help him up, but his shoes caught a piece of paper weird and with the wrong step he slipped falling back to crack his head against the locker.

Now with two pains in his head, black spots in his vision threatened to take over and he sank to his knees to keep from losing his balance, groaning in pain and cradling his head. Riku recovered at a much faster rate, pushing up to bend over Sora's whimpering form, offering a hand to help him up.

"Are you ok?"

"Aye..." he assured with a groan, but waited for the spots to clear before taking the proffered hand. His head still ached like a bitch but he was confident that as long as he didn't make any sudden movements he wouldn't fall over. Riku held out the accursed papers and Sora took them with a wince.

"Uhh..hi." he muttered softly, folding them up and stuffing them into a pocket.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

Sora's face burned red and he lifted his hand to scratch his head awkwardly. He made a noise that he hoped sounded like it's okay but was pretty sure it came out as babble. Overwhelmed with embarrassment, Sora felt the ability to communicate escape him. He wanted to say something cool, wanted to apologize for nearly killing him, but anything he thought of didn't make it past the lump in his throat.

He took a breath, trying to draw in some kind of stability to cool the nervous panic burning in his stomach. He managed to brave his eyes upwards, meeting Riku's face

"So, ah, um... sup?"

Riku quickly averted his eyes away, turning the awkward teenager look into a sex god pose. Awkward sex god pose, but sex god pose nonetheless. Sora found it much easier to look at the other's face when not being stared back at. Riku shifted his feet, rubbing the red spot on his forehead.

Oh god, what if it bruised? The idea brought a new sense of horror, this one from the fear of what Riku's fangirls would do once they found out Sora's clumsiness had caused such an ugly marr upon his beautiful visage.

"I was wondering if you were doing anything... Friday, maybe?"

So entrenched with the ideas of what the girls of his school could do when they teamed up on someone, Sora half missed what he said. He paused and expected Riku to continue so he could formulate a proper response. He was gonna need the extra time to force the words out anyways.

But, you know, it was funny. It almost sounded like he'd asked if Sora was doing something on friday, and in a way that would have made a more daydreamy Sora think he was asking to see if they could do something together.

Then he realised Riku was staring at him and had never finished. He had just stopped mid-sentence.

_Wait._

"What?" Sora asked stupidly.

Riku, three times more awkward, looked down at their feet. Self-conscious, Sora followed his gaze, painfully aware of his dingy canary yellow 5 year old $5 flea market shoes. He was known for these shoes, and he loved these shoes, but they were also the butt of many jokes aimed at him. They looked 10 times worse next to Riku's. They were just Nikes but Riku wore them like they were nobodies business.

"Do you want to go somewhere Friday, like a date?"

"Oh," Sora was speaking directly to Riku's shoes as if they had just explained a complex math problem in simple understandable words, however his brain had suddenly went blank. "You're asking me out."

"Yes..." Riku shifted his feet and the spell of the Nike was broken. Sora looked up to see pink tint Riku's cheeks. "Um.. if I'm wrong I didn't mean..."

"No, no!" Sora jumped, not wanting Riku to get the wrong impression. Sora hadn't really hid his choice in sexual interests, he just had never been so damn happy to tell someone.

He made a fist and hammered it down on the air. "Nail on the hammer..." No, wrong. "Err.. head on the nail... um..." he gave up tossing his hands in the air, "Yeah, I'm gay.".

Oh man, he was such a dork. Riku was gonna see this and walk away and find someone else.

"So um.. Friday?" Riku asked again.

"Yeah! I mean, I would love to! Do you have anything in mind?"

"No, not specifically. I don't know this place very well yet."

Sora's mind raced faster than he could keep up. Dates were something like dinner and movies, but while their island wasn't big, entertainment came with the ability to travel in a car. There was really only one thing to do on a friday night.

"We could go to.. um... Blitzball. We always go for Tidus...! Or we could do something else." Why was he even saying that? A Blitzball game? Yeah, on their first date let's go hang out with people they hang out with every day.

"Blitzball?" Riku tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah, it's a ball game played in a giant fishbowl." Sora animated this with his hands and waved his fingers around in the invisible bowl. "And they get in it and swim and like.. throw balls."

He really was really lame. He'd been to every game in the last 2 years, he really should have learned the rules at some point beyond when your team's fans are cheering, you cheer.

"Ah, yes. That'd be good."

Sora smiled brightly, feeling suddenly much lighter and the dam that had caused his inability to communicate before burst, causing flood of words to spill out all at once.

"Yeah, Tidus is like the best on the island and he's kinda betting it all he's gonna get a full scholarship somewhere with it and Selphie and I always make sure to go cause he always gets the most game time and he's fun to watch play." He animated wildly with his hands.

"Selphie..?" Riku's voice gave a twinge of fear.

"It's fine. Just duct tape her mouth shut...and throw her in a closet. It's our date, she can sit somewhere else." Sora laughed awkwardly, waving his hand in a motion to close a door.

Riku looked doubtful but still gave him a shy smile and scratched his head. "Okay, well.. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sora nodded excitedly, waving with too much energy as he watched Riku walk away, accidentally banging his hand against the locker. The loud sound caused Riku to look back but Sora swallowed the pain to pretend it was nothing.

When Riku rounded the corner Sora squealed in joy, cradling his pained hand against him and spun in place.

Hidden behind the edge of the last locker was Roxas, leaning against the side like a nosy, sneaky bug. He was grinning in malicious amusement, making Sora instantly wither.

"You are Super Dork, King of Doof."

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know you make Selphie look like a social minx. Where you going for matching concussions? And a blitzball game for a date, really? You need to get a life."

Sora bristled, giving his brother a hateful glare.

"You're a douche."

"Well duh. But it's not like you don't give me plenty to work with."

Sora pressed his hand to his forehead, dragging it down his face dramatically. Roxas was a dick, but he had been absolutely right, Sora had just made a total fool of himself. He was surprised Riku hadn't just changed his mind.

"Watashi wa baka," he muttered, calling himself an idiot.

There was a sudden resurgence of pain as Roxas reached over and slapped Sora across the head.

"Speak English, dumbass."

Sora yelped, gripping his abused cranium.

"Gomen, gom.. I mean sorry! SORRY! Oh God don't hit me again." He ducked to the floor as Roxas again lifted a hand. Not sharing Sora's love for anime, it was Roxas' usual reaction when Sora slipped into otaku talk. He claimed it was a defense mechanism for crazy. Sora was pretty sure his brother was just an ass. He whimpered, rubbing the prominent lump forming under his scalp. He was relieved when he saw Roxas drop his hand in mercy and for a split second almost looked concerned, but it was quickly hidden by his typical _fuck if I care_ mask.

"I'm not going to have to carry you home, am I?"

"No...I'm going over to Selphie's." He carefully pushed to his feet. After making sure he wasn't gonna fall over and the pain was just a headache and not something worse, he started walking in the direction of the exit, Roxas slipping beside him.

"Did I really look that stupid?"

"Incredibly. The first time you've ever really used your head, and it was for headbutting the hot foreign kid asking you out on a date."

Sora groaned. It really was a wonder Riku hadn't ran off screaming.

"Maybe I can say it's some kind of mating ritual."

**My AO3 account will always be ahead of this one. This is written as a series of one shots and will be updated at varying paces and FFnet doesnt let me organize the way I want. Regardless of where you read this, thank you for your time and please leave me a note about what you think. Much love to all of you.**


	2. Word Vomit and Ears and Freshmen, Oh my!

**How does Love speak? (Word Vomit and Ears and Freshmen, Oh my!)**  
>By Spinestalker<p>

Describing Sora's joy at seeing Riku on his way to lunch would have required a 6-verse poem. Or perhaps a sonnet. Either way, someone long dead would've had to be resurrected to compose a proper description. They would use words like agleam and exultant and it'd have to rhyme, of course, cause Sora liked poetry that rhymed.

He also liked the way Riku snapped his phone closed and straightened as soon as his eyes fell on him.

"Hey," Riku greeted with a duck of his head. He was a thousand times too pretty for his own good and Sora's giddiness waged battle with what wits he still possessed. Yesterday hadn't, in fact, been a dream, and Riku Yamamoto really wanted to spend time with him. Not Roxas, _I am somehow more popular than God despite being a grade a asshole, _Kai. Not Tidus, _everyone loves me,_ Fleming. But him, Sora. Cloud nine was amazing.

A sharp jolt jarred him a step forward and he looked in time to see Roxas pass mouthing "dweeb" in his direction. That was when he realized he'd probably been grinning at Riku like an idiot.

"Sorry, um..." He should say something cool, maybe reaffirm that this wasn't some sort of hallucination. Talking about the names of their first born was probably too soon. Lunch! They should do that!

"Do you wanna have me with lunch?" Sora asked. The words echoed wrongly in Sora's head but he was sure the right words were there. English was so _hard_ when Riku was around.

"Have you with my lunch?" Riku repeated, as if tasting the strangeness of the words himself. For a split second Sora actually thought he was being perverted. He blinked in confusion as an amused smirk started to creep onto Riku's face. Sora slapped his forehead, grimacing as he realized what he'd said.

"I meant have lunch with me," he waved his hands between them as if he could erase his own stupidity. "Not me for lunch, that'd be cannibalism and I'm pretty sure that's illegal here. And that isn't really one of my kinks, I should probably put that out there, not that I'm kink-shaming but I like not being eaten and I like to not eat people. In a digestive way. Not in a spit or swallow kind of way because I need to shut up..."

Sora needed an off button, or a hammer, or maybe he could just crawl into one of the nearby lockers.

Depite the word vomit, Riku laughed, ducking his head again so that his his silvery hair fall just so. When he lifted his hand to push a stray strand away he relieved a perfectly molded ear. Sora's eyes locked onto the organ, suddenly both surprised and horrified by the exposure. He wanted to lick it, or bite it - totally in a legal, non-cannibalistic way.

Dear God, he had an ear fetish. Where did that come from?

"What about your... friends?" Riku's worried voiced interrupted Sora's fascinated study of his newly aroused point of interest.

"Oh, um, they can entertain themselves for one lunch period I'm sure." Sora was already pulling out his own phone.

_Lnch w riku keep slph away_

Tidus didn't always sit with them at lunch and It was necessary because, well, Selphie wouldn't keep herself away. He pocketed his phone before smiling at Riku.

"Come on, I know where we can probably hide."

**O.O**

There was something so disappointing about Riku's non bento style lunch. He managed to hide his pout with with his cafeteria catered soy burger as he watched Riku dip a fry in mayonnaise. Sora wasn't even going to touch that. He engrossed himself with his perfectly normal ketchup as he attempted conversation.

"So, uh, where are you from originally?"

"Iwami. It's in the Tottori district. My family has ran an onsen there for generations."

"Not interested in the family busness?" Sora asked. Iwami sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it, and he was sure he should know what an onsen was but thought it might be rude to pull out his phone to Google it.

"Not so much. I don't really like dealing with tourists."

"Oh? Destiny Island is probably going to be worse. Although the first Wednesday of every month at noon go down to the beach. It never gets old watching people freak out when they test the tsunami sirens."

Riku chuckled a little, again pushing hair away to expose that delicious ear, it's sloping helix making Sora's tongue tingle and water. Was it just Riku's ear or was it ears in general. He tried to imagine someone else's ear, but it was hard to do when such a exemplar exhibit was right in front of him. When Riku looked over his shoulder, Sora realized his staring was probably obvious.

"So," Sora said when Riku looked over his shoulder, breaking his eye to ear contact, "why did you move to the great state of here..."

"My mother was born here, she had family that still lives here. When she and my father.. well.. when she moved I jumped at the chance. How long have you lived here?"

"Since always. My dad was from here and they moved here just before we were born."

"We?" Riku asked, "so you have siblings?"

"Twin brother and a younger sister..." Sora's eyes darted around to look for either one of them before his eyes fell on the small form of his sister. Almost as if she had been queued into the scene, she was walking towards them, three of her friends trailing - no, urging her forward. Xion's face was bright red when she reached their table.

"I.. I forgot my lunch munny at home..." she said, her voice so soft Sora had to half guess what she said. "I was wondering if... you had any. I'llpayyoubackassoonaswegethome." The last part came out in a quick breath and she lifted her hands to cover her face. Distracted by his sister's plight, he almost missed the fact her other friends had their eyes locked on Riku.

He patted his pockets, though already knew the answer. "I don't have any extra munny with me. Check with Roxas."

Xion's blue eyes welled up with tears and Sora felt a surge of panic at the thought of his sister was bursting into tears in front of Riku. "No, wait, it's okay. I'm sure Roxas has some, I just don't ever bring any more then I need..."

"Wait..." Riku was the one who spoke, digging into his pocket. He pulled out 3 bills and handed it out to her. "Lunch is 3 munny, right?"

Xion looked at him with eyes the size of saucers and nodded. "I ... I..."

"You don't have to do that. I'm sure Roxas has some extra." Sora started, but Riku just laid it on the table for her to take.

"Just pay me back tomorrow."

Sora's little sister gingerly reached out to except the offering. "Thank you so much." She breathed, the bills hugged close to her chest. "You are so amazing! My name is Xion. This is Naminé, Ashley and Jessica. The girls waved, Naminé all but hiding behind Xion to do so."

"I'm Riku." Riku looked awkward, but nodded at them politely. Xion smiled so big her face split in two while her friends giggled madly. Sora, deciding enough was enough, turned to her and with every ounce of love he could muster for his annoying little sister and her friends, spoke the mantra of older siblings everywhere.

"Get lost."

Xion looked at Sora with big eyes, affronted to be treated in such an manor. Sora only responded with a wide eyed_ you're friends are weirdos and you're kinda cramping my style_ here look. She swayed in in spot as if she wanted to argue, but finally looked back to Riku, lifting her small hand, waving her fingers.

"Thanks again, _Riku_..." She said his name in a way that Sora wasn't sure he was comfortable with.

"You're welcome," Riku gave her a smile, to which she bashfully she ducked her head. Sora watched as her and her friends scuttled off, half expecting them to poof in a shower of glitter and feather boas as they disappeared back to Claire's or wherever it was freshmen girls came from. There was still a chance they might run back with a rag of chloroform and try to win Riku by way of Stockholm Syndrome. It wouldn't work, of course. Sora could scream like a banshee if needed and Tidus had super hearing.

When they reached the lunch building, Xion turned around to give Sora a fiendish grin.

"That was your sister?" Riku asked.

"Yeah, Xion. But don't let her cute face fool you. She's an agent of evil. My Twin Roxas fancies her as his protege and Roxas is darkness incarnate."

"Isn't that what siblings are supposed to say?"

"Sure, when they're brother is a soulless being born to bring chaos and despair to us lesser beings."

When Riku laughed, he laughed with his whole body, tossing his head back with a wide smile.

Sora considered that a win.

***BONUS***

"If I have to keep running interference for Selphie so you and Riku can flirt, you're going to owe me something big," Tidus said as he appeared at Sora's locker after lunch, "I'm not going to demand your first born, but if you stay together I'm at least going to earn a middle name."

"Was it bad?"

"As soon as she found out it was because you were having lunch together I had to sit on her to keep away. Which Yuna saw and you know how that went."

Sora winced, knowing how well those two got along. No one really understood why Tidus was such good friends with Sora and Selphie but to high school students who had nothing else to do but gossip it was clearly sex based.

"Sorry."

"Meh, at least one of us will have a love life when this is over," Tidus said, leaning back against the locker, "you are going to right?"

"Maybe, assuming I can somehow find a way to learn basic control of the English language and my own motor functions."

"That bad?"

"I started spontaneously talking about cannibalism as a kink, and yesterday I almost gave him a concussion."

Tidus laughed, scratching his head, giving Sora a view of his ear. Reminded of his previous issue he grabbed Tidus's head and pulled him close.

"What are you doing?" Tidus asked, but allowed Sora to turn his head to the side. Tidus had a nice ear, tanned from hours playing blitzball in the sun. It was shaped differently than Riku's, the tragus wasn't as defined and his helix had a sharper slope, but it was a nice ear. If Riku's ear wasn't in the equation, he might consider this ear in a non-platonic way. It wasn't like he hadn't suffered his own on and off crush on Tidus like the rest of the island since first grade.

"I think I have an ear fetish," Sora finally answered, allowing Tidus to pull away.

"Do I have a nice ear?"

"Oh yes, a very nice. I like the helix. If you were my boyfriend I would enjoy it with my mouth frequently"

"Huh," Tidus ran his fingers over his ear in consideration. "If you were my boyfriend I'd probably let you."

There was the breathy scoffing sound of disbelief, one of Yuna's friends appearing from literally no where. She gave the two a disgusted look before marching down the hall, hair flipping importantly.

Sora gave Tidus a guilty wince, "Sorry."

Tidus only sighed in misery.


End file.
